Becca, my Beloved cat friend

Becca left this earth on June 18, 2010 at 3:30 p.m. I had to make the choice of letting him continue suffering through renal failure or let the vet put him to sleep. I chose the latter. It was the most heart wrenching decision I have ever had to make. It left a hole in my heart that I fear will never mend. The would of, could of, should of's filled me with guilt and remorse.  Let me go back and tell you what happened. It was Saturday, June 12, 2010. Becca was acting strangely. I cannot tell you exactly how strange he was acting because it was very minute things. Looking back, though, I remember he was hiding in the closet among my running shoes. I thought he just had seen the other cats going into that closet and he was copying them. Now, I realize he was sick and was doing as cats do when they are not feeling well. But, that day I did not know this, I just thought he was copying the other cats. He stayed there all day though. And, this was strange. By Monday, I knew something was definitely wrong with him but it was late Monday and I knew that first thing Tuesday, he would be going to the vet. By the time we got to the vet, I knew Becca was sick. The vet confirmed it, though she did not tell me the full truth of the matter. He was in heart failure. I was devastated though I tried to retain my senses and not let my emotions overcome me. She gave me medicine to give him and I honestly thought he would get better. But, from the time we got back home, he was completely invalid. He could not stand up. I called her and she said it was probably the shot she gave him and to cut back on the medicine some. I completely gave the medicine a kick out the door. I knew he was dying. His eyes had completely sunk deep into the sockets and they were a dull blue where they had been bright blue before. I tried to make his last days as comfortable as I could as I dealt with the blunt force of despair that overwhelmed me. All I could think of was why did I not see that something was wrong before I did, on that Saturday, less than a week before?? The guilt so overloaded my thoughts that I continually kicked myself in the heart. Becca was "gone" before Wednesday, June 16.  By Friday, I knew that I had to do what must be done. And I did. It was the worst day of my life. My Becca was really gone. I brought him home and Buddy buried him. I cried all weekend and through the week and then through the month. It has barely been a month since he has been gone and I still miss him. I will never forget the unconditional love he gave me. I was his most important person. He stayed inside because that is what he wanted to do. He slept beside me every night, usually with his head on my pillow. He would wake me in the mornings by combing my hair with his paws. And, he would lick me on the face when I asked him if he was ready to get up. And that happened every morning that he was here, for twelve years. How could I not miss him?
  I am normally an optimistic person with a faith in the LORD that has kept me intact for over 25 years. I have buried my mother and father and my youngest brother and several other cats, but this death is different. Even today, July 24th, my heart is heavy.  As I write this, I pray that the LORD be with everyone who is experiencing the death of a pet friend; that HE would comfort them and encourage them to cherish the memories of their favorite pet. I believe that Becca is in Heaven with the LORD and he is healthy and he is running around and playing with his friend, Mephibosheth, who went home in 2006. And, I believe that I will see him again one day. Until then, I will cherish his memory in my heart and put that last week of his life on the back of the bottom shelf of my heart and try not to think about it. I want to remember him as he was: a beautiful cat who had personality,  that loved life and never thought he was such a prince; who lived his life for ME. He absolutely loved me more than anything. Thank you Becca,