You Think You Know Friends

My heart is so heavy. In 2013 I lost my husband to brain cancer. I thought I had friends. But, I had leeches. They were for whatever they could get. I didn't know that then. I thought they were real. Sooooo, for six (6) years, I have tagged along with them, thinking they were for my best interests.
WRONG!!! Turns out they were telling everbody that asked questions that I did not want to be bothered. HELLO! I was devastated, why would I not want people and friends to contact me? I am just now finding this out. July 9, 2019 since February 27, 2013.   I thought no one cared about my husband's dying and the effect upon me? Maybe they did not know what to say. I am telling you now, if a friend or someone you thought a lot of dies, please send them  a card or an email and tell them you sympathize with them. Don't ignore them. Don't stay away. They need encouragement, they need love, they need sentiments. Please don't ignore them. AND DONT LISTEN TO SOMEONE THAT SAYS  oh she is private, don't bother her. DONT LISTEN TO THAT.  That is someone that is robbing the grieving person of her tears.
Please send a message to the person the LORD puts upon your heart.

Has anyone seen the emotion "joy"?

Today is April 27, 2012.  On January 3, 2012, my husband, Buddy and I found out  he has brain cancer, glioblastoma multiforme stage iv in the right frontal lobe. We went to MD Anderson in Houston Texas the next day and he had surgery to remove the tumor on January 6, 2012. The surgeon, Dr. Sujit Prabhu, world renowned for his expertise in brain surgery, removed 95% of the tumor. The surgery took approximately 9 hours.  The next morning at 6 am Buddy got out of bed by himself, took a shower, shaved, got dressed and waited for Dr. Prabhu to come and tell him he could go home. Of course that did not happen. He did get to go home Monday, January 9th. He was able to do everything by himself. The swelling in the brain and around his right eye took a couple of weeks to dissipate and we went back to MD Anderson for chemo and radiation treatments. Six straight weeks, 42 days of chemo and 5 days a week of radiation, off on weekends.  It was the longest six weeks I have ever experienced.  We came home March 9th and have been home since then.  The MRI after the chemo and radiation showed an increase in the size of the tumor from 1 cm to 2 cm. We were so downcast from the news but have not given up hope that Buddy will be healed by our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ.  We are seeing Dr. Jack Rodriguez in Natchez, Mississippi for further treatment, chemo drug, Temodar by mouth.  He takes it for 5 days every 28 days.  Yesterday, April 26th, Dr. Rodriguez informed us that the tumor had not grown but actually a very small .1 cm had decreased.  It is a 2 cm x 1.8 x 2.2 where it had been a 2 cm x 1.9 x 2.2 on March 29th.  We are so glad to hear this news but we are still numb.  I attribute it to tiredness because since this journey has begun we have not slept one full night. We wake in the middle of the night and usually just lay there until morning, maybe snoozing a little here and there but not going back into full sleep.  On May 10th we will start the second round of Temodar and then we will have another MRI to see what is taking place.  My heart goes out to all of the cancer patients who spend their life waiting for the next MRI to see what is happening.  This will be our life until the end of our life.  Cancer, even in remission, is always in your head because it has to be monitored all the days of your life.  My prayer is that cancer will be completely removed from everyone.  What is causing this epidemic of cancer throughout the world? Just in our little county, there are so many people and even young people who are being diagnosed with this disease.  Is it in the water or in the food or both? God only knows and I pray He lead us to live the rest of our life focusing on Him and not this disease.  Please pray for everyone that has cancer. Their lives are led by this disease and it is hard to find motivation and energy to participate in "life".  Buddy and I are in need of laughter and joy and even though we read God's Word and trust His Word, it is hard for us to be joyful.  Joy should fill our hearts all the time, no matter what is happening.  Jesus knew the whole time He was living what His end would be, but it did not steal His joy. He suffered the pain of the Cross so that we could have life. Thank you Lord Jesus for giving Your life for each of us. Help us to remember the burden you carried all the days of Your life and may we follow your example in living this life we have. Thank you for my husband, help me to encourage him and love him every minute of every hour. Please give us joy in our hearts so we can be encouragers and not complainers.  Forgive us for complaining and murmuring about what we are going through.  May we always be cheerful and full of hope because You, Lord Jesus are our Healer and our Deliverer. You are full  of compassion and always faithful. Your Word gives us Life. We are strong in You, Lord, and in Your mighty Power. Thank you for the armor which You provided for all of us which repels the attacks of the devil. The good fight of faith-believing and speaking Your Word-puts us over in the daily affairs of this life.  There is no room for defeat in us. In Jesus' Name. Hallelujah. Amen.

My Review of Kelty Coyote 4500 Internal Pack for Women

Originally submitted at Sunny Sports

Designed for a woman, the versatile Coyote 4500 features the load-bearing, easily adjustable Cloudlock II suspension system, quick access pockets, durabledesign, and an unbeatable price, resulting in an ideal pack for short wilderness adventures or arou.

Kelty Coyote 4500 Internal Pack for Women

Kelty Coyote my first backpack

By tincat from Meadville, MS on 2/6/2011

 

4out of 5

Pros: Lightweight, Comfortable

Cons: Not Enough Pockets, Difficult To Adjust, Difficult To Load

Best Uses: Endurance trek

Describe Yourself: Outdoor Professional

What Is Your Gear Style: Minimalist

Was this a gift?: No

I use this product to provide strength and endurance during walking/hiking through a field for exercise. I kept having to pull it down from my shoulders because I could not adjust to my fit. The only pockets that were in reach to me were the front (small!!!) web type pockets which are totally useless for USEFUL items. I could reach the water bottle on the side if I stopped moving and really stretched to reach. I do not know how they could re-organize the pack to accomodate these features for a woman. Because this is my first internal frame backpack, I am proud of it and would not have been able to carry 40 lbs. of extra stuff otherwise. I would recommend this pack. I used my husband's camo backpack and it was awful compared to this. I do not want my assessment to be negative, actually, it is to be positive because I could not have carried 40 lbs in a regular backpack. The next day, I would feel pains only in the way that I exercised. I had muscle soreness in my calves, butt, and thighs but NOT in my back or shoulders. That is a big plus for this backpack.

(legalese)

Becca, my Beloved cat friend

Becca left this earth on June 18, 2010 at 3:30 p.m. I had to make the choice of letting him continue suffering through renal failure or let the vet put him to sleep. I chose the latter. It was the most heart wrenching decision I have ever had to make. It left a hole in my heart that I fear will never mend. The would of, could of, should of's filled me with guilt and remorse.  Let me go back and tell you what happened. It was Saturday, June 12, 2010. Becca was acting strangely. I cannot tell you exactly how strange he was acting because it was very minute things. Looking back, though, I remember he was hiding in the closet among my running shoes. I thought he just had seen the other cats going into that closet and he was copying them. Now, I realize he was sick and was doing as cats do when they are not feeling well. But, that day I did not know this, I just thought he was copying the other cats. He stayed there all day though. And, this was strange. By Monday, I knew something was definitely wrong with him but it was late Monday and I knew that first thing Tuesday, he would be going to the vet. By the time we got to the vet, I knew Becca was sick. The vet confirmed it, though she did not tell me the full truth of the matter. He was in heart failure. I was devastated though I tried to retain my senses and not let my emotions overcome me. She gave me medicine to give him and I honestly thought he would get better. But, from the time we got back home, he was completely invalid. He could not stand up. I called her and she said it was probably the shot she gave him and to cut back on the medicine some. I completely gave the medicine a kick out the door. I knew he was dying. His eyes had completely sunk deep into the sockets and they were a dull blue where they had been bright blue before. I tried to make his last days as comfortable as I could as I dealt with the blunt force of despair that overwhelmed me. All I could think of was why did I not see that something was wrong before I did, on that Saturday, less than a week before?? The guilt so overloaded my thoughts that I continually kicked myself in the heart. Becca was "gone" before Wednesday, June 16.  By Friday, I knew that I had to do what must be done. And I did. It was the worst day of my life. My Becca was really gone. I brought him home and Buddy buried him. I cried all weekend and through the week and then through the month. It has barely been a month since he has been gone and I still miss him. I will never forget the unconditional love he gave me. I was his most important person. He stayed inside because that is what he wanted to do. He slept beside me every night, usually with his head on my pillow. He would wake me in the mornings by combing my hair with his paws. And, he would lick me on the face when I asked him if he was ready to get up. And that happened every morning that he was here, for twelve years. How could I not miss him?
  I am normally an optimistic person with a faith in the LORD that has kept me intact for over 25 years. I have buried my mother and father and my youngest brother and several other cats, but this death is different. Even today, July 24th, my heart is heavy.  As I write this, I pray that the LORD be with everyone who is experiencing the death of a pet friend; that HE would comfort them and encourage them to cherish the memories of their favorite pet. I believe that Becca is in Heaven with the LORD and he is healthy and he is running around and playing with his friend, Mephibosheth, who went home in 2006. And, I believe that I will see him again one day. Until then, I will cherish his memory in my heart and put that last week of his life on the back of the bottom shelf of my heart and try not to think about it. I want to remember him as he was: a beautiful cat who had personality,  that loved life and never thought he was such a prince; who lived his life for ME. He absolutely loved me more than anything. Thank you Becca,

Introduction to Becca

I have been wanting to blog for awhile but just never have. For one thing who would even be interested in reading a blog about things that go on here in Berrycattown. Twelve cats reside here and two "wild" cats live in the woods, separately of course. The oldest cat, Becca, actually Habakkuk, was born in April, 1997, which makes him 12 years old. He looks like a Himalayan with blue eyes and the taupe and cream colors, but I don't think he is. (A friend of mine found him on the side of the road and brought him to me because I had just lost my Roma via being run over by an unknown driver.) I was crushed because Roma was the first cat that had ever "kissed" me by licking my face. Plus she slept with me and was my baby. So when Becca arrived, he was a small white snowball, maybe eight weeks old???  I thought he was a girl and had originally named him Rebecca after the biblical girl that married Isaac, Abraham's son. After he grew where I could see he was a boy, I realized that I had to find a biblical name that would give me the freedom to still call him Becca, so Habakkuk he became.

This Becca at about 5 months of age. I did not take alot of pictures at that time. Below he is in the flower patch. Isn't he adorable???

Becca, oh Becca. He is 11 years old in this picture. He is such a prince. I love him so much.